I’m revising my new book. I’ve sent the first (rough) draft out to some beta readers, and I’ve received excellent feedback in return. I’m tremendously grateful to these five generous women — all of whom I shall thank profusely in my acknowledgments — and as I read their suggestions, I think, Yes, absolutely, that will make it stronger! That will raise the stakes, clarify the character, tighten the scene.
But as I go to implement the changes, overwriting my previous version, the manuscript feels tangled and muddled and awful. As I revise, I feel like a kid with an Etch-a-Sketch that’s old, so the previous drawing doesn’t quite erase all the way. (Remember the Etch-a-Sketch?) As much as I want to let go of the story in my head so I can put in the new version, it’s hard because I am simultaneously erasing and creating.
This is the Ugly Phase, when I begin to doubt the book and my abilities as a writer — because the book keeps getting worse (chopping up chapters and moving things around, pulling out scenes that took me days to write because they no longer work, rewriting a subplot, thus making another subplot irrelevant). But it must get worse before it gets better.
Even though I’ve written half a dozen books, I sort of forgot that this is always part of the process — until I started moaning (by text) to a writer friend and she replied that she was in a similar phase with her new book: “The whole thing began to feel unwieldy as I started to graft new stuff on to the old. I am trusting time will help me see it clearly. You’ll get there. The book’s in better shape than you think.”
For those of you who are in this murky place with the two of us, remember: the Ugly Phase doesn’t last. Keep going.